There are rare people who will show up at the right time, help you through the hard times and stay into your best times…Those are the keepers – Nausicaa Twila
In June Charlie returned to nursery, his return took meticulous planning and one of the decisions made was to move him into the preschool room early. It was a gamble, he would move to a new room with older children and there was a risk he could be overwhelmed. Most certainly his delays would be more apparent than ever but there were definite positives to trying. Charlie’s key person was still furloughed and the other people he had close bonds with were in the preschool room. It was worth a try and so we trusted the judgement of the nursery staff and gave it a go. It was a leap of faith, but we did know he would be with people he trusted and who knew him completely so that reduced the fear somewhat.
My main concern for him was that he would feel isolated from the other children. He has physical, emotional and communication delays and my worry was he would be alone or excluded from activities by his lack of ability. Various professional reports had highlighted that he “tolerated other children” and that he did not know how to approach other children and play with them. He has some little friends he has had since babyhood but he doesn’t fully understand how to interact with them and that can sadden me sometimes. As a mother the thought of your child “on the outside” is so saddening. He has such a joy for life and I never want to see that spark extinguished. It turns out I didn’t need to worry as the most magical thing started to happen, Charlie made a friend. As the days went by we were told about a friendship that was developing between him and an older little boy, Thomas, we were told how wonderful they were together and how happy it made staff to see them play. With his mum’s permission we started to receive pictures and videos of them and I actually cried with happiness watching them. The kindness and understanding that Thomas showed Charlie was amazing. Just small actions that showed he understood Charlie’s difference and embraced it. He would give Charlie quite a long head start when playing “tig” and Charlie loved every minute of thinking he’d got away. He would pick Charlie up when he fell and hug him to make him feel better. The video that made me sob most showed Charlie go to him for a hug he then took Thomas’ hand and guided him to another part of the room. It was wonderful, he followed without question and Charlie did not doubt he would. Without words he understood him completely and Charlie felt heard. There are no words that can explain how I felt in that moment, to know that one beautiful and thoughtful little boy had given Charlie a voice. That he made Charlie feel included, that he made him feel happy, that he made him feel safe. Children like Thomas are special, their heart shines so brightly and their acceptance and understanding knows no limits. Seeing them playing together, so utterly happy in each others company, was one of the best things I have seen.
It transpired that Thomas would start school this September and leave Charlie’s preschool class, it was sad to think he would lose his friend so soon but then another wonderful thing happened and his mum left her number with the nursery and I thought that was one of the most lovely things to do. We started exchanging messages, planning to eventually get the boys back together. In the middle of these messages Charlie fell ill and ended up in hospital and it was then I realised that Charlie’s illness would be completely unknown to his friends mum. I then had a bit of a wobble worrying about how to tell her without freaking her out and worrying she may no longer want to meet up. Wise advice from a friend was to be truthful and just explain he is differently abled and she was sure it would all be OK but it’s not always easy to start that message and I won’t deny I held my breath a little bit as I pressed send! I didn’t need to worry she was every bit as wonderful and understanding as her little boy and I can now say I have had the pleasure of meeting her and her beautiful boy in the flesh. Watching the boys play together is magical, Thomas gives Charlie confidence and it is beyond amazing to see Charlie just being a little boy. To watch them giggle, play and enjoy each others company is heart warming. The speed at which Thomas runs to Charlie if he stumbles brushing him down, hugging him and checking he’s ok just makes my heart so happy. Sometimes someone just “gets you” and it seems Thomas is Charlie’s “person”, sometimes communication and understanding is so much more than words. Sometimes you just need someone to be there, not to fix it but to just sit beside you letting you know it’s ok I’m here. He is completely oblivious to Charlie’s differences and it is refreshing, their friendship goes deeper than that and I guess we could all learn a thing or two from that unquestioning acceptance of each other. A very wise bear named Winnie the Pooh once said “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be” and you know he’s completely right, friends make the world a bit brighter.
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born – Anais Nin
About a Boy and Hydrocephalus 